And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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