from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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