Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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