I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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