That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
