first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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