I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
