Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
