i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I need a burrito and a hug.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
