Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
