I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
