The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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