The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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