Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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