tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
