I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
