normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize