The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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