its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
