i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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