Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
