Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have tasted many bathrooms
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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