The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
