I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
