How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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