he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
