she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you win again, gameday.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Randomize
