So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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