god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize