someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
