bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
