Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
