no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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