You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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