If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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