i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
