My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
