Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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