I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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