I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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