New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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