my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
