Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
