just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
