I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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