So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
