A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
