Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
