just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize