We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
