In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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