my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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