Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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