So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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