even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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