Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
