When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
