I looked at my own cervix.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
