Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
