He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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