I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
