If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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